Going through a breakup is one of the most stressful and painful feelings that you’ll ever feel. Whatever the reason for your breakup, and whether you wanted it or not, that breakup can turn your world upside down.
I’ve experienced a breakup at some point in my life. Those were my awful days because all I wanted was to make our relationship grow in love and happiness. Most people don’t healthily deal with breakups. They have coping mechanisms which make things even worst.
Even if you healthily deal with a breakup, you’ll probably still feel uncomfortable feelings. However, it’s important to remind yourself that you can overcome these challenges in life. These emotions are normal to feel and it’s a process to let go of the person you loved.
In this article, you will learn about the 9 common emotions that people feel after a breakup. I would also give some advice on how to cope up with them.
1. You are Desperately Looking for Answers
This is very common when you experience breaking up with your partner. There are a lot of questions that are going through your mind and you are desperately looking for answers. These are the common questions that you might think of:
- Is there something wrong with me?
- Is my love not enough?
- Where did I go wrong?
- Why didn’t he/she hold onto our relationship?
After your breakup, these questions will be haunting you for a while. The most annoying part is you don’t know the answer to your questions. You feel so confused about why those things happened. Even though you have the answers, it won’t help you in any way. New additional questions will just come up in your head.
When I experienced this kind of emotion, I was looking for answers from different people. I was asking my close friends and coworkers. I was trying to look for answers that would convince me why that breakup shouldn’t have happened.
There’s no way to fix this problem, as time passes, your feelings will keep on improving and you will learn that you don’t need to have the answers to your questions. You will just realize that it’s better to move on rather than desperately look for answers.
Read More: Does Breakup Hurt?
2. You Beg to Get Back Together
We can also call this the bargaining stage. After a breakup, many of us have gone through the stage where we beg our ex-partner to get back to us. This is when you realized that it’s not yet time to part ways and you won’t allow them to break up with you.
Some people go crazy when they beg their partner to get back on them. They will do everything just to get their partner back. They are willing to do anything even if it means getting back with their partner is not healthy anymore.
I’ve also experienced bargaining with my partner to not break up with me. I keep contacting my ex telling her that we can still fix things and breaking up is not the solution to end our problem. I bombarded my ex with texts, chats, and calls. I keep on reminding her of all the good memories that we had created.
So, would I recommend begging with your ex? Well, it depends. There are times that this might annoy them because they want some space from you. There’s a chance that they will push you away further if you keep on bothering them. Sometimes, begging your ex can often lead to more pain than good. Maybe you need to give them some space first before you will ask for a second chance.
3. The Shock and Denial Feeling
This is a very common emotion that you will feel right after your breakup. At first, you will feel that it’s not true. Even if you already knew that your relationship was in trouble for how many months. The person that you lose was a big part of your life and your mental health is greatly affected.
“The process of dealing with a breakup is comparable to grief” – Dr. Tricia Wolanin, Clinical Psychologist
Right after your breakup, you will be shocked because you can’t believe that this is happening. You know that you shared so many wonderful memories and now you’re not able to create one again. You thought that you were the perfect couple and you will spend the rest of your lives together.
It’s very common to a lot of people when they pretend that the loss of their partner is not yet true. This is the time where their mind is in the denial stage. They are still absorbing the separation that is happening in their lives. To make you numb after your break up, the denial feeling that you have is a common defense mechanism.
At this point, you’re not still accepting that they are your ex-boyfriend or girlfriend. You tell your friends that you’re not heartbroken but deep inside you’re starting to feel the pain.
To solve this problem, you need to face these feelings to experience real healing. You need to face the shock and denial feeling and actively deal with it. If you don’t face the pain, it will only worsen in the long run.
4. You Deal with Anger
To feel angry after a breakup is a normal feeling. In an attempt to hide your pain, anger can be a masking effect. Sometimes, if you have moved on for weeks or months of crying, you will start to question yourself if you deserve to be left for those reasons.
At this point, you will be tired of blaming yourself that’s why you will start to blame your ex-partner. You may even burst your anger on some objects, this is normal because you are feeling so intense at the moment.
I also felt angry after our breakup. I felt some bitterness because I felt that I don’t deserve the reason why she had left me. Well, not everyone will experience being angry after a breakup. Some people will learn to accept and just move on.
Being angry after a breakup may be healthy for your healing process but it’s important not to take it too far. Learn how to control your anger or look for an outlet. Maybe you want to go for an exercise or meditation. Again, you need to manage your anger or it will control you.
Read More: 9 Reasons Why Do Couples Break Up
5. Regretting the Breakup
It’s not unusual to feel regretful after a breakup. A lot of people regret that they haven’t done their part to make the relationship strong. When you feel regret, it means that you’re idealizing the relationship. You will have lots of “what ifs” on your mind.
- What if I lessen my pride?
- What if I took care of him/her well?
- What if I didn’t doubt my partner?
After leaving with your partner, your may start to feel bad and you will start to contemplate getting back with your ex. Your brain will be full of images with the memories of your ex. But it doesn’t mean that you should get back together, even if you’re the one who ended the relationship.
Maybe you’re not yet used to being not together and you just miss the attachment. To handle breakup regrets, there are things that you can do. One thing I’ve learned is to get curious. You must ask yourself these questions: Will your life be better after the breakup or not? If it’s going to be better, you don’t need to regret anything.
You can also ask for feedback from your close friends or loved ones. The best advice that I could give based on my experience who felt some regrets after a breakup is to get a formal closure. You will better handle your emotions if the relationship breakup was clear to you.
You better do it in person even if it’s awkward. Doing it through text or call would only worsen the situation. You need to be clear in each other so that you will step closer to achieving a peaceful life right after your breakup.
6. You Feel the Freedom
It’s not always about sadness, regrets, or anger. Some people will feel freedom after a breakup. Maybe they came from a toxic relationship and they were tired of dealing with it every single day.
“You must love in a way that makes other person feel free” -Thich Nhat Hanh
There are two kinds of relationship endings that I’ve learned in life. The first one is the one that leaves you with so much pain and the one that makes you free. I was also terrified to leave one of my ex-girlfriends in the past, but I know it was the best for both of us. After our breakup, we felt happy and uninhibited.
Don’t be afraid of a breakup, some people are afraid to end the relationship because they think they’ve already invested a lot with their partner. If you think that your relationship is not growing in love and trust, try to consider ending it.
When you felt the freedom after a breakup, your energy suddenly burst and you just want to scream “I’m free!” You feel like you want to dance on top of the table, hang out everywhere and start doing some self-care.
This time, you will become wiser because your previous relationship filled you with trust issues, anger, and difficulties. You will understand yourself more and you will be wiser in handling your next relationship.
7. Sadness and Fear
Sadness and fear are the most universal feeling that people feel after a break-up. You will be sad because the person you love for a very long time will not be there anymore. Sadness also comes with tears, you will cry every night because you still long for your ex.
Well, it’s called heartbreak for a reason. I know how it feels to cry every night knowing that I can’t have her back in my life. I was torturing myself every time I cry. I kept listening to our favorite song and keep on crying until there are no more tears left.
After crying, fear will start to kick in on you. You fear that you will be lonely forever and no one will love you anymore. You fear that no one will support you in times of challenges. Your fear that you won’t survive in this world without your ex-boyfriend/girlfriend.
The greatest fear that I’ve felt was to tell my friends and family that we had already broken up with my girlfriend. It was one of the most frightening and awkward moments of my life. What I did was just approach them as soon as possible because I know they will help me with my problem.
If you’re facing sadness and fear after a breakup, try to spend time more with your families and friends. Your loved ones will surely listen to you, they can make a big difference in your emotions. Don’t isolate yourself in your room as it can worsen your emotions.
8. Planning for a Revenge
Having a relationship with someone can form an integral piece of who we are, when we lose our partner, it can bring us rage. With that rage, comes revenge. If you come into a toxic relationship and have a devastating breakup with your ex, you are more likely to turn your anger towards them and have some revenge.
Some people can build anger and resentments towards their ex quickly. When you feel angry after a breakup, you must not take it too far as it will lead to revenge. You need to find ways to stop it directly so it won’t create any havoc.
I know every person has their way of expressing their feelings especially when they feel betrayed after a breakup. It’s also fine to take appropriate actions against your ex who betrayed you so that they won’t do the same thing to other people.
But, revenge and violence will never be an answer. You might crave revenge but it’s not the right way to feel better and be able to move on. You will only worsen things if you do awful things to your ex such as posting a Facebook status and creating fake stories.
Doing revenge on your ex is just a waste of time. It may be fulfilling for your healing process but let karma do it. The best revenge that you can do is silence and zero action. Your ex might expect a rant from you, but make sure to not give in. Focus on improving yourself instead of doing miserable things.
9. Peace and Forgiveness
Finding peace and forgiveness is the best emotion that you can feel after a breakup. Some people would have difficulties in achieving peace and forgiveness after parting ways with their partner. It’s difficult for them to let go of the pain and loneliness.
But cutting those things will truly set you free and give you the strength to rebuild yourself. I know it can take quite a while to reach this point, but you don’t need to rush, you will soon get there. Remember that sadness doesn’t last forever.
Even if your ex cheated on you, you need to forgive them not for their sake, you need to forgive them for your peace of mind. After a breakup, you don’t suddenly feel peace, sometimes, peace and pain will take turns. You need to learn how to balance them.
The anger that you feel inside you isn’t affecting your ex, it’s affecting you. You must learn how to forgive to achieve happiness. Stop letting those negative thoughts enter your mind and start putting in positive energy so that you can truly move on.